Okay let’s talk about breastfeeding.
First things first. While I was pregnant, I was the momma that was gung ho about breastfeeding and my baby was never going to drink formula. I mean how hard could it be?
Being able to breastfeed Mason for 3 months was a blessing. I was not naive to the fact that not everyone is able to or willing to go down this road, but for me, I am proud that I was able to. Well as best as I could.
Breastfeeding was a an amazing way for Bubba and I to bond. I knew that it was going to be a real commitment, and I came to find out after a couple of weeks of doing it, that it was a really hard commitment. I always had to think about my caffeine intake which with momma life would have be so much easier running on caffeine, but nope coffee intake was limited. I also couldn’t just enjoy a glass of wine whenever I wanted to or feed into my cravings for a nice cold brew.
Breastfeeding, I came to realize was a full time job. And this job came with a demanding schedule. Forget sleep, or napping all together, you were this little guy’s food source and food that he wanted all the dang time. It got a little easier as weeks past by, but for a while I felt like Bubba was eating every hour if not twice an hour. Imagine that at night when you want to get some sleep, especially the first few weeks of being home with your newborn. Exhaustion reached another level, and I cried. A lot. Days turned into nights, and back into days again, almost without me noticing. With a baby that nursed 12+ times a day, life was very chaotic and exhausting.
Need to go out? Run an errand? Go to the store? Out to dinner? Nope. Good luck momma. It was a struggle. The anxiety that kicked in thinking about how I was going to nurse my very hungry Bubba in public still makes me sweat to this day.
Was it a huge commitment? Yes. Did I feel like a dairy cow, or a hamster on a wheel? Yes. Was I utterly exhausted. Yes. Did I wish some days that someone else was in my house that could produce liquid gold from their body too? Absolutely yes.
But so goes motherhood.
He needed me those first three months and will need me for a very long time. I was his lifeline then. One day, just like that I will blink, and he will be walking into preschool. Yup just bawled thinking about that while I write this. No longer my baby boy that once needed me so frequently, and wanting to snuggle up for those nursing sessions. But for now, I’ll hold on, just a bit longer.
***Bubba is now 5 months old, and has been on the formula diet for a couple months. Breastfeeding was hard, but I am glad we went through that journey for 3 months. The weird thing is, I miss it. I miss holding those nursing snuggles, I miss bonding through those moments, and I miss being his lifeline. My husband does all the night time feedings now that he is on formula and for that, I will forever be grateful!(If you are reading this, you the real MVP Sparky, and love you so much!)***